Friday, July 16, 2010

Send oldies to the war

After all those heart warming stories here is one practical humrous one from an old gentleman with lots of common sense and practical reasoning. I am all for it. Let the oldies gas the terrorists.

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds (I thought it was once every micro second). Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' ...bang! bang! bang!...we are impatient and maybe letting us kill some dirtbag who desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up and cranky, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-gun.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser. We will also be a liability because of the medicines the enemy would need to supply just to keep us alive in captivity.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling of wife n kids.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however... When have you ever seen an enemy dangle a rope over a 20-foot wall for you to climb, or who does push ups after chasing and shooting the enemy!!!. Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too... I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them. We could also gas the enemy with eco friendly gases (ever heard of a fart)

HEY!! How about recruiting Women over menopause!!! You think OLD MEN have attitudes??

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!

Send this LINK to all of your senior's in big type so they can read it.

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