One Liners

Q: What did the lonely banana say?
A: I'm a"kela".

Q: What did the green peas say?
A: Nothing. They just "mutter"ed.

Q: What did the potato say when it answered the phone ?
A: "Aaloo?"

Q: Where do cauliflowers hang out?
A: In the Gobi desert.

Q: What did the flower say to its girl-friend?
A: Why do phools fall in love?

Q: What did the fat car say?
A: I'm a mota car.

Q: What did the confused egg say?
A: I don't unda-stand.

Q: Where do earrings go on holiday?
A: Bali

Q: What do shrimps sing on Christmas?
A: Jhinga Bells.

Q: What did the half eaten naan say?
A: I wish I was puri.

Q: What did the lonely potato sing?
A: "Aaloo lonesome tonight?"

Q: What language do carrots speak?
A: Gajar-ati.

Q: What do you call a bald poet?
A: Ik-bal.

Q: What did the first pizza slice say to the other pizza slice so it
would move?
A: Pizza - "HUT"

The Cruelest Tattoo Known To Man

We all know that it can be painful to get tattooed. But here is a Tattoo which is painful to guys who look at it because of where she got it tattooed and what it says.



The tattoo read:
YOU MUST BE AT LEAST THIS TALL TO ENJOY THIS RIDE

How to make a Woman happy !

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6.. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a phsiotherapist
15. a gynaecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24.. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes





HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:

Hmmm... I know what you are thinking. Yes a BJ will do :)

Who Was Jesus !

Three Proofs of Jesus ...

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH:
1. He went into his father’s business
2. He lived at home until the age of 33
3. He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS IRISH:
1. He never got married
2. He never held a steady job
3. His last request was a drink

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS PUERTO RICAN:
1.His first name was Jesus
2.He was always in trouble with the law
3.His mother did not know who his father was

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS ITALIAN:
1. He talked with his hands
2. He had wine with every meal
3. He worked in the building trades

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS BLACK:
1. He called everybody brother
2. He had no permanent address
3. Nobody would hire him

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS CALIFORNIAN:
1. He never cut his hair
2. He walked around barefoot
3. He invented a new religion

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A REDNECK:
1. He was always talking to sleazy women
2. He was always hanging around his buddies telling fish stories
3. Everybody crucified him